5/2/2008 8:21:39 AM
Shift

mo∙ti∙vate; moving to action

driv∙en; FORCE, COMPEL

I can't say that nobody told me what it would be like when my son was born. I think that people were honest in their efforts to prepare me mentally for what was going to occur once I held him for the first time, and how my emotional state would change when I brought him home. I had been grilling other teammates that are fathers for even longer than the duration of my wife's pregnancy, once we decided that we were going to have a child; but it still didn't quite prepare me for how intense the feelings were when he actually arrived.
Most people's account of me I think would use words like driven, motivated, disciplined and committed to describe my work ethic and ambition. By my own account I am these things if nothing else, but in comparison to how much work I feel I must do now…I don't even think I could have called myself those things prior to April 22 when my son was born. After holding him for the first time, and gazing down at this tiny 4 lb 7oz boy that my wife and I created, I immediately felt a need to blaze a trail for him to walk on. I felt that the precedent must be set first by his father in order for him to have a chance at the greatness that I foresee in him.
I found myself doing make-shift workouts in the hospital room at 3am, while my wife got some much needed rest and recovery from her cesarean section. As sleep deprived as I was at that time, the decision should really have been much more difficult but sleep has been an afterthought since he's been alive. The feeling that I carried into my workouts before was one of "go the extra mile" while now it falls more so under the category of "run the extra marathon."
When my son Cassius is old enough to understand, I'll be sure to explain this to him as best I can. I'll be sure that he knows that within the first hour of his life on this earth, he caused a shift in mentality in his father. I see now the difference between "motivated" or moved to action or change, and "driven." Motivated is what I was before, I've always been moved to action, always been up for change and willing to sacrifice for change. However, motivation can be lost. Time, circumstance, incentive; all of these can affect one's motivation. I now feel that I'm truly driven. The difference being that there is not a sense of moving to action, now there is only action. When motivated, one can always surmise a circumstance that can satiate their motivation to some degree. Now, there is nothing that could satisfy my drive, because my goals are no longer my own. My ambition is not for self, but for my son.

I would imagine that this drive, this force, this compelling influence is a feeling that could be received poorly in some circumstances; even rejected. Not so in me however, it's more than welcome. This is the feeling that I've searched for a very long time. I'll relish this feeling each day, workout, and venture from now until who knows when. And when the time comes that Cassius is old enough to understand…I'll thank him for it. ©

Kp8